Posted by admin, Fri Jan 05 03:51:58 UTC 2007

I know this is a little late, but better late than never.  I really like these.  Except for the last one.  If you aren’t paying for your shareware apps that you use every day… then you probably shouldn’t be calling yourself a coder.

Monkey Bites

I will realize that design patterns are a guide, not a religion.

I will bother to research the security issues relevant to my work.

I will spend an hour teaching a child the rudiments of programming, even if it’s just “Hello World” in JavaScript.

I will learn how to use Unicode.

I will not respond to requests for help by informing the questioner that they are not only asking the wrong question, but should change the language they program in and/or their Linux distribution.

I will not contribute to lists that anthropomorphize or analogize languages. The lists are funny only in their original incarnations.

I will create one bona-fide playable game, even if it’s Tic-Tac-Toe 2007.

I will recognize that not all programs are self documenting, and that this is why comments were invented.

I will contribute to an open-source project because they need my skills, not because I like the project.

I will explain my grep patterns in comments.

I will be nice to the people who pay me.

I will stop procrastinating by cyberstalking my ex-lovers.

I will go back and do something interesting with all my failed, half-finished projects.

I will not use the term “Alpha” when what I really mean is buggy, untested, crap-tastic software.

I will always write Ajax that degrades gracefully (or I will realize that Ajax site navigation is the new “skip intro” of internet design).

I will not try to learn a new language. Instead I will surprise everyone by programming something completely unexpected in one I already know.

I will write ten lines of code everyday for someone I love.

I will continue to pretend Perl 6 is more than myth.

I will stop writing apps that are just giant, nested loops and releasing them as popular software packages. (Here’s looking at you, Wordpress theloop.php.)

I will stop making crontab entries to scripts I end up deleting.

I will stop making rsync backup scripts to network devices I end up removing.

I will learn how to write a script that emails me errors instead of sending everything to /dev/null.

I will finally pay for all of the shareware apps that I use daily. No, really.

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